:: My Reality ::

"80% Alternate Universe, 20% Barely Hanging On!"
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:: Saturday, April 12, 2003 ::

Good morning Bloggers, accross sleepy national eyes climbs the sun, accross eggs scrambled and fried, toast, buttered and burned, only a degree away from yesterday, but enough to cause flowers to eek their way through the darkest earth to burst upon our day. Such is the scene at my house where the lawn is taking it's revenge for 6 months of neglect. Hip high weeds are nodding in the wind while I spray killer juice in our yearly battle. Next comes the mower which refuses to start, also exacting it's pound of knuckle busting flesh. Meanwhile, neighborhood kids, ply their grass cutting skills for $25 which I eagerly pay and watch as the boys use two mowers, each set at different heights, causing curious random stripes, not unlike crop circles formed by drunken aliens. Ahh, the suburbs of Metro Atlanta on a spring Saturday. Life doesn't get much better.

:: Tom 8:46 AM [+] ::
...
:: Friday, April 11, 2003 ::
Here are snippits from three more of my songs. The first one, Dear Karen is about my ex wife, karen and paints her in kind of a materialistic light. The second verse goes, "You can keep the car, the HDTV, Those kinds of things never mattered much to me." Truth is I would do bodily injury to get my hands on an HDTV. She and I have shared a laugh about this irony in the past. Next we have the Happy Chicken which is the image which came to me when I played this instrumental for the first time. Do not attempt this at home. Finally there's Lucky Penny who gave me the gambling habit which I have not been able to break even after 30 years of trying. These play best of course on a T-line or DSL or Cable, any kind of phat pipe. Dial-up is kind of frustrating because you get bits and peices.

:: Tom 1:56 PM [+] ::
...


BETH

I noticed a pair of creamy lips
Hair and eyes done just so
Red flashed from her fingertips
as she walked down the stairs real slow

"Either you're late or I'm early
I've been dolled up since nine"
She draped her shawl across a bare shoulder
and suspended the passage of time

It was 1940, Cairo or Fez
The Hotel Durant'
Let's go out in the Garden, she says
There are spies in the restaurant

She crooked a leg behind mine
I could feel the silk
Her fragrance was amertine
She moved in for the kill

"I thought about you all day"
She pushed my hat back from my forhead
and kissed me with those dreamy lips
Things were about to turn morbid.

Wait, I think I hear someone
She said and moved away
Suddenly a gunshot
Her body began to sway

She died in my arms right there
Beautuful in death
Although it's been 20 years
I still remember Beth

I am Trans Gendered. The above song is about moi, and how I see myself. I started Cross Dressing in 1999 and continued off and on, gradually bolder, till the present. Do not get me wrong, I do not try to pass. I would never do that. In most cases unless you take harmone injections and the pallette you start out with is young, slim and attractive, a man dressed up like a woman just doesn't make it. My opinion only. Anyway, at 300lbs it ain't gonna happen!

But I do dress up in other ways. I also wear mascara and eyeshadow!!! Yeah, even to work everyday. I happen to work in a very liberal environment. The corporate culture there is extremely tolerant of diverse lifestyles. I'm lucky in that respect. But truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way. If anyone asks about my make up I just tell them I like to wear it. Very few people ever ask. One guy, the friendly Pakistani at my favorite convenience store where I do all my illegal gambling, asked once, "Why you wear all that?" I said, "I dunno', I just like to." That's all that was ever said about it.
In terms of sexual orientation, I've always been hetero. Being intimate with a man does not appeal to me. Most people, including an awful lot of gays do not believe this. They chuckle, saying "Right, sure." It's kind of awkward being straight and being Transgendered.

So I guess this is my coming out party. Everyone drink up!

:: Tom 9:32 AM [+] ::
...
:: Thursday, April 10, 2003 ::
Pardon the dust while I mess with my Template...this is always sooo scary. I feel like a surgeon right out of med school who's just completed his second operation and in the first one, the patient died (lost my archives that time)! So far I've lost my "Links" tag and my "Photo's" tag. I can put them back but they end up in the wrong place. Don't know the code which will properly place them at the beginning of each grouping. Maybe someone will read this and leave me instructions on construction.

BTW, Wearing: Bright red tee from Target and khaki cotton slacks, also from Target...and black socks...also from Target!!!

Listening to: Bob Dylan, bootleg series, 1961-1991.

GeeTaw Talk:
Played an Alverez yesterday, looked good, very good price, sounded ok but the strings snapped if you played hard...wonder if I put a heavier guage string on it and cranked the neck only slightly, if that would relieve the snap. I had a Mahogony Alverez years ago that had the same problem on the high E string. I filed the fret down, did all kind of work on it but never got the buzz out. Dammit don'tcha hate it when you think you maybe have a bargain then you figure out that no matter how yo look at it, you get what you pay for. An experienced guitar player can till the quality of a guitar by plucking a single string. They also had a Larrive for $970 which sounded real good...best deal in the store. Also a Taylor 510 for a grand, but that's similar to what I had before and it just doesn't make since to go in that direction now. I tested a number of models, playing a Bert Janze song done by Simon and Garfunkle in 1965, tune called "Angie."


:: Tom 9:42 AM [+] ::
...
:: Wednesday, April 09, 2003 ::
If you haven't listened to the Suzanne intro, go to the April 8 post and give a click. It works now. Here's another of me on Deep River Blues, not as clean as Doc, but almost as fast: Deep River.wav

Hopefully you have DSL or Cable or a T-line 'cause at 56k it's pretty jumpy.

:: Tom 6:05 PM [+] ::
...
Wearing: Snazzy grey and black check buttondown that I bought on sale yesterday for $7.50, silver and gold patterned tie, black slacks and black reeboks. No socks yet.

Listening to: Disco version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart." It's awful. I think I'll change the station. It's either all 80's or all 70's. Meanwhile the local morning duo is discussing American Idol with listeners. 'Scuse me while I touch the sky. Next station on the scan is blasting me with very heavy acid rock...too early for that. Next one Country...no thanks. Now a black station is talking to listeners about penis size!!! Yikes!!! Now classical. Is there any AAA out there at all?! Oh Yeah Just hit Z-93 and their blues hour...ZZ Tops

Well, now that we're in Baghdad, let the oil flow! Wait till Exxon arrives and shows the Iraquis how to manage their production. Ladies, crank your SUV's!!

Heading out for a haircut. I hate getting a cut. Just my fat face sticking up through this plastic shroud in the mirror, hair all wetted down, then I start to sweat, my head looks like a hog's head. And then of course the hair gets all down your neck and back so you literally have to rush home and shower and you can't wear that shirt till it's laundered. And then for for a few days you look like an overwieght Marine Drill Sargent with whitewalls. After a while it starts looking ok. But it's very annoying to have to go through this routine. My wife use to cut my hair and that was great plus she did a much better job than Great Clips. I could just jump right into the shower and voila, it was done. She quit cutting my hair at the same time she quit doing my laundry. I don't mind doing the laundry for myself or taking out the trash or maintaining the cars. Washing the dishes is kind of a pain; I don't do that a lot. Debby does do the towels though. I so some cooking, but Deb is such a great cook that she cooks most often. When it's my turn, I usually make Gourmet Turkey SandwichesI Also I facilitate money creation when I have to. We share in cleaning the house, I do the lawn, we alternate taking care of/feeding the pets, I usually clean out the kitty litter. I also make the coffee. After 10 years you sort of have your rolls carved up between partners.

:: Tom 8:41 AM [+] ::
...
:: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 ::
Here's an attempt to bring you into my corner of the world. It's a short snipit of the intro to Leonard Cohen's beautiful song, "Suzanne."
Click on this: Suzzanne.wav It is a double track, with me playing both guitar parts

Celebrating Visitor Number 500!!! Actually, I think # 500 was Roo!

:: Tom 11:14 AM [+] ::
...
:: Monday, April 07, 2003 ::
Wearing: Mustard color short sleeve buttondown and cotton khaki's, black hose, black Reeboks.

Listening to: Yo La Tengo's new CD on Album '88, WREK

Watching: This unending stream of young, beautiful, college students float through my life.

Wondering: That by contemplating the forrest, if I miss too many trees.

:: Tom 8:11 PM [+] ::
...

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