:: My Reality ::

:: Friday, May 30, 2003 ::

The Friday Five:

1. What do you most want to be remembered for? Always looking on the bright side.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life? "Look Good, Feel Good"

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year? Regaining my sanity

What about the past ten years? The same as above!

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say? Things have a way of working out in the end.

BTW, I have deleted my Archives. It was taking too long to load the website. Do no harm. What is done is done.

:: Tom 8:19 AM [+] ::
...

Day 10 of no meds and I still feel great...no difference than before. Hard to believe that I kicked 8 years of amphetamine use/abuse without adverse events. The job still goes ok. I was here at 8:30 this Am, close to my posted schedule. I've now transferred all boxes of files out of the hallway.

Will spring the Taylor today which is very exciting. Saturday is the celebration of the closing of the Joyful Alternative in Columbia, SC, home of my misspent youth. I was night watchman at the Joyful for a couple a' years, part of a string of nare-do-wells/artists who were too deranged to hold down any other kind of job except one which would allow you to hallucinate freely all night in an upscale head shop. During the day, would be hippies from the suburbs would drift in and buy their bongs and rolling papers and candles and Indian clothes. The chosen would sit around in rocking chairs, Dale holding court all the while listening to the Grateful Dead or Buffalo Springfield or Traffic or Spirit. A little bit of San Francisco in the South. At the Celebration tomorrow they are going to close off all traffic to the area, set up a stage at the Five Points Fountain and present folk acts from the 60's, of which I will be a part. Somewhere between Twilight and Sunset I will rip into 'Good Bye Blues' or maybe the Anthem of the laid back pickers who once called Columbia home, 'My Home Town' (The Congaree River goes a' gurgeling by and I bet you five dollars that you can't tell me why).

:: Tom 8:00 AM [+] ::
...

Without You

Waking up, foggy and stiff
A feeling like I have the flu
I focus on the mirror
And start another day without you

Late for work, Traffic is hell
I park the car
Ride the elevator to my cell
Turn on my computer
The usual fits and starts
Another day without you so far.

Lunch time should be fun time
Food and folks and such
My plate is soon empty like the jokes
I hurry back to my office
I don’t know why the rush
No phone calls no messages for us

The afternoon stretches on I eek out some work
My boss says “nicely done” He doesn’t know about the hurt
I lock the door, turn off the lights with the afternoon closing in
A day without you ends.
A night without you starts
all over again.

:: Tom 3:32 PM [+] ::
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Wearing: Polo brand burgandy and black broad stripe knitt pullover with khaki cotton slacks.

Listening to: White Stripes

Every time I visit Caitlan's blog I'm always inspired to publish graphics or pix or cute links in the body of my blog. She is so clever and well versed in making a site a joy to visit. Hat's off, Caitlan! I promise that when the Library opens up again,(June 9) I'll post some good stuff. Soon as I get the Taylor out'a hock I'll do some more wave files, bury them in the text so that you can click and listen.

:: Tom 9:12 AM [+] ::
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This morning blooms without medication of any sort poisoning my body. This is happily me, painless and free of akathesia. I am very close now. I’ve been at this place a number of times before only to be sent spiraling into hell at the first sign of stress. Money probs are under control so that point of stress is less of a factor. Deb and I are getting along famously so that’s ok. Work remains not a problem although there are some corners I must cover. Telepathy remains the kicker. If I can keep it from appearing that I’m hearing other people’s thoughts, or even if it’s true (which would be strange) If I don’t let it freak me out, or if I can find a way to shield my self from it, That would be fine too. These are just a few of the things I’ll be dealing with as I cross the Kroger parking lot, on my way to pick up Ice Cream!

Just think of it: A world without paranoid amphetimine psychosis, gut wrenching triflourperizine, brain jolting Celexa. A place where my shoulder doesn't sieze up in a painful response to a split self at war with each part. But you know me. I'll probably fuck this up and have to go running to the shelta of motha's little help'a. Doctor Please, Some more of these, outside the door, there here for more...What a Drag it is getting home.
Or I could flip out all together and live a magical life of double conversations, a kind of Tommy in Wonderland where catapillers smoke giant Hookahs and ask questions like "Who R U?" and that terrible little annimal who uses his whiskers to wipe away the tracks of where I have been. I had a dream the other night that I was in a car and the steering wouldn't work. No matter how hard or in which direction I turned the wheel, the car had a mind of it's own. I kept backing up then pulling forward in a curving pattern. I woke my self up by hitting my self in the face with my fists. Wish me luck, Friends

:: Tom 9:07 AM [+] ::
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